I was a happy girl last Thursday. I received presents!! Kazuyo did a presentation on Japanese wagashi (desserts) and she even 'spoiled the market' by bringing some of the desserts to class for all of us to try! Because there were extras, she gave me another one! Woo hoo!!
Then Yuko gave a pretty origami box that she made! It's sitting on my desk because I don't really know what to do with it, but I like it so so much.
I was wondering if I had suddenly turned into a super materialistic person, then I decided that I hadn't, just that I crave signs of whether I'm fitting in well so much that when I receive presents or a kind word here, I'm just overjoyed!
Things that happened to me today:
1) Muko-chan, on his own, reminded me about his university interview, and told me it went well. The results come out two weeks from now.
2) I scrubbed the floor outside 2-4 cos they had accidentally spray painted the floor while preparing for their haunted house event.
3) I realise I miss having a form class to care about. Maybe I shall adopt 2-4.
After meeting the Singaporeans over the past weekend (where we ate glorious Singaporean food together at the embassy) I've come to terms with what I'm feeling.
I had been feeling like I didn't matter. As I told my friends, if I died here in Japan, all that would be said would be, "Oh that poor ALT. She was such a nice girl too." And life would go on.
My sensei are really nice. They are kind people. It's just that it's virtually impossible, with my standard of Japanese and their heavy workload, to form any relationship beyond a cordial working relationship. I think that was the main reason I had been feeling down. When I was in Changkat, my colleagues were like my family. Changkat was like my second home. They could tell when I was feeling down, and they would try to help me any way they could. We could talk and joke at random, yell and cry if we felt like it. Not so here. And it's not even their fault. It's just the circumstances which dictate how all this is going down. Have been praying hard for God to show me what I have to do. This is a truly humbling and trying time for me, which I think is good. No one ever grew wiser without some sort of struggle.
Anyway, when I met some of the Singaporeans, Janine, Shih Yeng's friend, was advising us to think about the some takeaways we have during this time. As in, things we have learnt through our experiences.
So, I've decided to jot down significant events of the day so as to remind myself why I'm here.
Muko-chan is one student who brightens up my day. He was the first student to try to talk to me in English, and he tried to tell me what was happening in the Naruto manga series now. He's nice, kind and funny, so we often have a good laugh while cleaning up the second floor with the other students.
But I need something more than a Muko-chan talking to me everyday! Shih Yeng shared how she had been training students for a speech contest, and how that student made it to the finals of the contest. I want to do that sort of thing! I want to help them prepare for their university interviews! I want to help them in things that matter in their lives right now! But I can't. Or maybe I haven't tried hard enough. I'll have to think more on which areas I can help out with.
I've also decided not to rush it. Slowly does it. Maybe it's the right feeling, but wrong time. I shall just enjoy all the school festival events, have fun with the students, get them to speak as much English as possible, and maybe, one day, there will be one opportunity that comes up. All it takes is one such opportunity to make you feel like it was worth it moving all the way here, learning a different language and changing your lifestyle.
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| Autumn Maple Leaf wagashi |
Then Yuko gave a pretty origami box that she made! It's sitting on my desk because I don't really know what to do with it, but I like it so so much.
 |
| Origami daisuki desu! |
I was wondering if I had suddenly turned into a super materialistic person, then I decided that I hadn't, just that I crave signs of whether I'm fitting in well so much that when I receive presents or a kind word here, I'm just overjoyed!
Things that happened to me today:
1) Muko-chan, on his own, reminded me about his university interview, and told me it went well. The results come out two weeks from now.
2) I scrubbed the floor outside 2-4 cos they had accidentally spray painted the floor while preparing for their haunted house event.
3) I realise I miss having a form class to care about. Maybe I shall adopt 2-4.
After meeting the Singaporeans over the past weekend (where we ate glorious Singaporean food together at the embassy) I've come to terms with what I'm feeling.
I had been feeling like I didn't matter. As I told my friends, if I died here in Japan, all that would be said would be, "Oh that poor ALT. She was such a nice girl too." And life would go on.
My sensei are really nice. They are kind people. It's just that it's virtually impossible, with my standard of Japanese and their heavy workload, to form any relationship beyond a cordial working relationship. I think that was the main reason I had been feeling down. When I was in Changkat, my colleagues were like my family. Changkat was like my second home. They could tell when I was feeling down, and they would try to help me any way they could. We could talk and joke at random, yell and cry if we felt like it. Not so here. And it's not even their fault. It's just the circumstances which dictate how all this is going down. Have been praying hard for God to show me what I have to do. This is a truly humbling and trying time for me, which I think is good. No one ever grew wiser without some sort of struggle.
Anyway, when I met some of the Singaporeans, Janine, Shih Yeng's friend, was advising us to think about the some takeaways we have during this time. As in, things we have learnt through our experiences.
So, I've decided to jot down significant events of the day so as to remind myself why I'm here.
Muko-chan is one student who brightens up my day. He was the first student to try to talk to me in English, and he tried to tell me what was happening in the Naruto manga series now. He's nice, kind and funny, so we often have a good laugh while cleaning up the second floor with the other students.
But I need something more than a Muko-chan talking to me everyday! Shih Yeng shared how she had been training students for a speech contest, and how that student made it to the finals of the contest. I want to do that sort of thing! I want to help them prepare for their university interviews! I want to help them in things that matter in their lives right now! But I can't. Or maybe I haven't tried hard enough. I'll have to think more on which areas I can help out with.
I've also decided not to rush it. Slowly does it. Maybe it's the right feeling, but wrong time. I shall just enjoy all the school festival events, have fun with the students, get them to speak as much English as possible, and maybe, one day, there will be one opportunity that comes up. All it takes is one such opportunity to make you feel like it was worth it moving all the way here, learning a different language and changing your lifestyle.
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